Can You Trust Me?

Having healthy relationships is a key component to living a happy and fulfilling life.

If we take a look at Maslow’s pyramid we can easily understand the power of building strong and healthy relationships. This includes family, friends, couples, co-workers, and basically any human being that surrounds us.

Human needs according to Maslow:

  1. Physiological
  2. Safety and Security
  3. Love and Belonging
  4. Esteem
  5. Self-actualization

Can you see now why having healthy relationships is so valuable?

They play a part almost in every aspect of our needs. And trust is a big component of healthy relationships.

Understanding how we, as humans, act, think, and feel is critical.

Which is why I’m grateful that my friend Kibel Manzano is joining me to talk about this topic. She is a psychologist, with a specialty in group dynamics. And I’m lucky and grateful that I can call her a friend.

Together we will dive into this topic, and specifically in the trust component of relationships.

Because we want to share with you actionable items that you can apply today, to build better relationships, first with yourself, and then with others.

How do You Measure Trust?

Kibel:

How many people do you really trust? Think of that….

Now, feel it.

Did you experience something different between thinking and feeling?

Let’s do an exercise.

I want you to think of one person that you consider a trustful friend. And then think about one that you don’t trust at all. Identify the three powerful characteristics that your trustful friend has. Your first thoughts. Keep that in mind.

I’m sure you were able to identify elements of communication such as:

  • good listener,
  • truthful advice (even when they are difficult to say and hear),
  • and asking meaningful questions

Now, I want you to feel what your friend makes you feel. Which are the emotions that surround you when you have him/her near, or even in a long- distance relationship? You may also feel like you want to have more moments like that, right?

When you are able to identify that quality of time, you’re the responsible to keep having that near you. How? That’s the value of feedback.

But to really create and receive a real feedback either at work, in your relationship, with friends, or people, you have to connect with your emotions. And you have to trust them.

The foundations of a feedback start when you can connect with your emotions. Because the action that the other person does generates an emotion in you. These can be sadness, fear, anger, happiness, or love.

Our emotions are always giving us a real advice, even if it’s keep going or stop doing this or that. In that case, do you trust in your emotions? When they show up, did you have the chance to let them raise? Or you’re trying to avoid that connection?

All relationships have ups and downs, but a healthy communication style can make it easier to deal with conflict, and build a stronger and healthier partnership. Even, to share the good experience and emotions you felt in that relationship so you both can duplicate the goods.

When we mix our mind and heart, or actually our heart AND mind, and that moves you forward... That’s a good path to have, to keep, to share, to take care of!

As Alejandro mentioned, there are five Human Needs according to Maslow. But also I would like to include the evolutionary perspective of Tony Robbins on this because it’ll help us to see and evaluate our healthy or not healthy relationships.

The spiritual needs are the most meaningful needs according to Tony. That includes Growth and Contribution.

We are not experts in this theme about measuring trust. But we are experts in making you think and feel about how you invest your time with your friends, how much quality time is there in your relationships.  

That’s why we’re going to invite you to use your measuring instrument and solve this:

  1. Are you growing with your close friends?
  2. Are they inspiring you or inspired by you?
  3. Are they supporting your ideas and dreams you are working on? Find the % they represent.

Now that you mentioned our Human needs according to Maslow, we can include the evolution of them according to Tony Robbins.

For more than 30 years, the organizations have been studying how to create, develop, and maintain trust in their workplace...

We are pretty sure who are those that we trust and we are going to feel it first. It is only after feeling it that we should think about it.

Alejandro:

Without trust there would be no human race, there would have been no evolution.

We couldn’t have specialized because we would always have to be taking care of our basic needs by ourselves. Even taking care of our life.

If we couldn’t trust those close to us, we would probably live in constant fear or defensive mode.

Sebastian Junger recently was a guest on Tim Ferriss’ podcast, where he shared Lessons from War, Tribal Societies, and a Non-fiction LifeIn the episode, he shares some of his findings of PTSD on veterans.

Junger found that trust is a key component to the relationships that soldiers are able to build when they are in a war. PTSD then is not so much related to the adrenaline, or the violent experiences, but to the loss of that high level of trust.

Soldiers in the battlefield have no doubt that everyone on their battalion will do anything for the safety of everyone else, even if it means sacrificing their own life. When soldiers get back to the “real world”, sometimes they can’t even trust their family.

As you can see, trust can have a big effect on the life of a human being. Which is why we have to cultivate it.

Kibel did a great job in finding the balance between thinking and feeling. Finding that balance, in everything, is key to happiness and success. And especially with trust.

The way I would measure trust is by identifying the level of alignment between what I think others will do, how I feel about what they do, and what they actually end up doing.

Can You Trust?

Start by asking yourself the questions Kibel suggested.

  • Are you growing with your close friends?
  • Are they inspiring you or inspired by you?
  • Are they supporting your ideas and dreams you are working on? Find the % they represent.

This will help you identify where are you in the journey of trust. Once you identify that, then it will be easier to develop a strategy that will help you move forward.

Feel free to reach out to Kibel if you would like more guidance on this topic, as she has experience developing group dynamics to understand and develop trust.

This article was written by Kibel Manzano and Alejandro I. Sanoja.