I don't think I speak for myself when I say I sometimes feel I don't always have the ability to do something, the knack to execute an idea or the tenacity to grasp a situation and apply it to my own. But does this apparent apprehension stem from a comfort of being where one is, or the fear of losing what one already has by putting themselves out there? What really holds us back from consistently achieving new heights?
The truth is, whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, except Polio (thanks Inbetweeners for making me a terrible person), and understanding that not being able to do something, more often than not, is usually a function of our inability to envision success because we're quite simply afraid of what we might achieve, even though we want to be there.
Coach Carter is one of my favorite movies, and in that soul touching scene Timo Cruz stands up in the gym-turned-classroom and says "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us".
With this in mind, I want you to take your thumb and touch it to your tip of your middle finger, it should make a circle. Now hold it high and look at it relative to what’s around it. The smaller circle represents your comfort zone, the area around it is the rest of the world, but how do you really break free of your comfort zone and tap into the universe around it?
Just as water turns into steam (low energy state to high energy state, I apologize, the nerd in me needed to science) at the same temperature, we also need a sizable amount of latent energy to make this visual transition. Could we somehow link this energy to - the more "humanizible"-confidence? I don't see why not.
But what exactly is confidence?
Websters definition says that..... no Babz, it's not a college essay (yet)
But seriously, what is the conventional theory behind confidence? Is it this trait that we truly believe that few are born with and even fewer master - something that a majority can only wish for?
Confidence is something that fortunately is not a fixed attribute, in most cases, it is simply the outcome, positive or negative, of the thoughts we have coupled with the actions we take. We go through our lives learning new things and find that we can fine tune our skills that we hadn't had days gone by through teachings and practice. Now although a rather aloof thought, could this lead us to infer that the ability to succeed at a task doesn't lie in your actual ability, but your inherent belief that your ability is great enough to accomplish a task?
Belief is a rather encompassing word, but we are driven by it, we are directed by it and - whether those beliefs are true or not- they shape our lives. But is this a fixed number of values (or principals) or is it dynamic and constantly in flux? I'm going to go on a limb and assume the latter (forever the optimist). I think that this is a very important assumption because it gives us the ability to rewire our brains, it makes your sense of belief, and by extension your confidence, to be of your own volition and that is so exciting because it literally means that you can choose to be confident, perhaps to the point where it becomes habit.
Momentum is very important and just as a shark heightens its senses when it tastes blood in the ocean of its prey, we as humans also go for the kill when things are in our favor. But think of the shark when it doesn't catch its prey, how does it respond?
Obviously, this is all fine and dandy while things are going well, but what happens when something goes wrong, what if you actually fail?
Nothing. You dust yourself off and if you really believe in what you're doing, you will try it again and try till you feel that the input isn't worth the output; at least you'll never have what ifs and imagine that's.
But how do we respond to failure?
The first thing, albeit very psychological, is to remove the negative connotation associated with the word failure and replace it with something else- say learning opportunities. Embracing the fact that you failed at something makes you stronger, it makes you sharper and ultimately makes you wiser. Michael Jordan missed so many god damn shots in his life that he ultimately succeeded. Was this luck, or did his perseverance pay off? Negativity is easy, it's understandable, but it takes you nowhere. Conditional thinking, takes you nowhere. The confidence you have in yourself, and ultimately portray, is the key to getting to the next step.
So what does that mean for us?
It means that you go speak in that public forum, you make that decision, you ask that girl or boy you like out and most importantly, you don't seek approval from anybody else but yourself.
People ask me if I'm confident, I am, but not in many facets, but I will be soon. I am working and will continue working on these issues.
I'm tired of being my own worst enemy, and I'm tired of consoling myself when things don't happen the way I want it, why accept mediocrity as a result of your own negativity?
If you take one thing away from this, let it be that you are in control of your mind, and ultimately your destiny. Influences are all around you, good and bad, alter your so-called circle of interaction and break the barriers to the universe around you by perpetually staying positive, even when there are mitigating circumstances around you.
- Confidence can be built!
- We’re heavily influenced by our surroundings, try to make the most of yours!
- It’s mind over matter, you can be whatever you set your mind to
- You can embrace failing, but you have to condone failure – you don’t stop!
- Break through those energy state levels people!
These are all my personal opinions and are fueled by red-bull and adrenaline. I'd love to hear from everybody out there what they think, maybe share a story or 2 with us.
You are never alone, we are all here together.
Till next time!